The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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