Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
