My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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