Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
