so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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