They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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