Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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