I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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