I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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