I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
