Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
