Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
