I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
