Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize