So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize