worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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