Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
