Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
