did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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