ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
