everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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