It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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