brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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