Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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