Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
why is half of my head shaved?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
