Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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