he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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