u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
