My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
