1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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