..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
