His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
