where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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