Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
