I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize