Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
