I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
