I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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