They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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