Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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