Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
