Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
