Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
