My hand turned me down
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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