We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So squirting runs in the family.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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