I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Nobody cheats on THIS.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
