Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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