I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
