After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
