haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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