I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
