found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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