Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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