So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
