haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize