I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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