Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
