I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
we should paint friendship bongs
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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