can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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