LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
