Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
