My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
