at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize