How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
