You're completely useless in the revolution.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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