i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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