Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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