Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
