1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
