Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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