we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
