Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
