They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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