I wish I could teleport
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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