I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
