So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
