i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
