is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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