so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
