too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
