she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
why is half of my head shaved?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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