Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
