We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
