The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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