I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
