then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
