We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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