Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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