I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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