RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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