I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
