One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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