I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize