Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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