My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
