He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
