my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
