do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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