At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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