I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
