omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Randomize
