hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
