i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
